Flipped out.... Over you....

St Mary's Cathedral in Sydney.... Beautiful isn't it?

Sydney Skyline.... There were more but I'm too lazy to put them up....

View of the Opera house from Circular Quay, the main ferry terminal of Sydney

I can make your day? Another paparazzi shot.... hehehehe

Along the road in Sydney.... They have many colonial buildings, much like what we see in Penang.

Pasar Malam in Sydney.... Rather a Sunday morning market, much like a massive car boot sale.... It was interesting, got more artsy pictures which I'll put up later on....

Ok, got to go now.... See ya....

It’s been some time since my last entry…during my elective days in Penang. There were lots to blog about – mostly private thoughts. It’s not like anybody read this blog quite so often anyway – but private thoughts are private. Sometimes I think to myself, why blog if I’m such a private person by nature…been searching for the answer; not that I want to make a public statement that could influence many, I don’t want any self-aggrandizement, I guess it’s just a place for sharing (stories that can be shared) of experiences and some form of expression – we need to take some time for self-expression sometimes, positive self-expression. 

Sometimes I think I was born in the wrong era. As evidenced by my taste of music and my train of thoughts. I feel much older than my biological age, actually. In terms of energy and understanding. I’m someone with little physical energy but lots to say. A person who does not verbalise their opinion doesn’t mean they don’t have one – maybe it’s better left unsaid. Reason being that no one around might understand. It takes too long to explain. I’m someone who feels deeply, if I do express my emotions, I’m afraid it might be too much for an acquaintance to take. Because they don’t know me well enough yet. I have a lot of anger. Unexpressed anger. And therefore unresolved issues. They are mostly expressed melancholically. I’ve come to be aware of these feelings of late. More aware of my darker side. And trying to accept and therefore understand them. It’s vital for change for the better. As I’ve said before, I’m sensitive. To my own feelings and also feelings of other that they themselves are not even aware of it consciously. I can sense when someone do something with kindness as their intention. I can sense sincerity. I can sense dislike, even how much they deny it to themselves or to me. My only homework is to trust my instincts more, to trust my own judgements more. Trust is another issue to me. I’ve been having recurring dreams with Trust as the main element in my dreams. As I’m sensitive by nature, I’ve suffered more from my past experiences, and therefore I tend to be cautious in my dealings with new strangers or you’d call them friends. I’m not perfect, so please don’t judge me too heavily based upon these rantings. I’ve discussed with a close friend, whether it’s good and even healthy to just live life superficially, not taking into consideration the many issues in life, to conform and to blend in, until our dying day. These people seem to be happier and suffering less. (Or are they disillusioned and confused, without insight?)

So, not being able to blend in and refusing to conform, am I normal?

Searching for the answer subconsciously, I came across a paragraph quoted from ‘The Good Soldier’, Penguin, by Ford Maddox Ford 1915, pages 214 and 228.

On being normal in the society of numbers.

“Normal values can have hidden historical, social and political desiderata – just like the normal values novelists ascribe to their characters:

‘…Conventions and traditions, I suppose, work blindly but surely for the preservation of the normal type; for the extinction of proud, resolute and unusual individual…Society must go on, I suppose, and society can only exist if the normal, if the virtuous, and the slightly deceitful flourish, and if the passionate, the headstrong, and the too-truthful are condemned to suicide and to madness. Yes, society must go on; it must breed, like rabbits. That is what we are here for…But at any rate, there is always Leonora to cheer you up; I don’t want to sadden you. Her husband is quite an economical person of so normal a figure that he can get quite a large proportion of his clothes ready-made. That is the great desideratum of life…’

Saving a seat for you my dearest....

Right next to me.... One day ok?
BIG Grump missing SMALL Grump

Coogee Beach Australia
Let the light shine through